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July 9th, 2006
09:41 am
i would like to take a trip
across canada and to the souths of the united states and then to the coasts with beachs
see all the differnt types of trees
plan for 2007
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July 2nd, 2006
10:15 am
accumulate
likes
misses
kicks
stones
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June 26th, 2006
09:02 am - welcome home
life loves anna
and anna thinks life is pretty amazing
sometimes i just wonder if this is all meant to happen at once
get all the feeling out and take me to ground zero where someone will be able to take advantage
some more kicks while i am down or something
backed up and too slow.
---
who is in a great mood?
tell me about it and how to get there.
does it come with age? country? gender?
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June 19th, 2006
12:40 pm - and then it
here at this end now after this weekend, it seems more real then last week this time
it seems to weigh more
sends me through my sheets and to the floor
pushes and keeps me down on the ground
seeing all the photos on the walls, the cards and flowers in the room with those flowered couches and mis matched lamp shades
in the company of family and friends of
seemed like i was walking into a dream
then to the box with the things that lay closest to her
mother of pearl leaf necklace
mascara
glasses
and the plate engraved with the dates and her name
none of which i ever dared to put in my dream
made me wake up
the sit down in the next room with the folded chairs that there couldnt never have been enough of
hanging on to every word trying to pull something from the speaker to make me feel better, to relieve myself from this hurt
like some magic
the one look over my shoulder just sent me more seeing how many more cared just the same
with the slight volume of his voice giving out at his last words and with the lack of air
brave
love
caitlin
"... never alone in any photographs"
"... stubborn"
"... a natural smile"
missed.
more and more with everyday.
---
so thankful for the friends that i have
so thankful
would not have made it through without you
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June 13th, 2006
06:03 pm - and how each day matters to me.
i keep on running this through my mind like thousands of times over and over
the only thing i can do is justify this all with
it would have hurt her too much to loose one of us
this all was to save her
her heart held so much for everyone.
and then i think i shouldnt try to justify it at all
its in the dead air time that i feel my heart slowly drop to the floor.
i need to keep this work up and keeping company to maintain some blood flow.
this pain hurts so much it doesnt seem real.
she was always suppose to be there.
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June 9th, 2006
11:06 pm - this isnt real
this is
to hold someone so close to your heart
but so far from contact
to the point where when
"just one more thing"
is impossbile
this is what happens
to friends and family and the loved
human
it cant be real
i am so hurt
the glue
the one
advantage / for granted
know you were loved
and there for everything
---
this is all too much
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June 8th, 2006
09:04 pm - this isnt real
all you want to say to her
is just "one more thing.."
-
love.
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May 29th, 2006
12:37 am
i havnt said enough
let her be ok
it hasnt hit me yet
ill be home thursday for a stop in
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May 27th, 2006
12:02 pm
make sure she is ok
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May 25th, 2006
03:14 am
loving toronto
thinking new york is next
ill only be around 4 hours away
promise
serious
lend me 500$ and i promise ill be out of your hair and closer to him
--
whoa boys
lets make some drama
hand me another drink
viola! amour!
----
turn this up
cupcake parties
with hate life chat lapin and martha loving some nono
---
dancing
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May 19th, 2006
09:32 am
back in my rut
awesome
dont take offense
it due to the lack of eating
and tolerancec right now
love!
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May 16th, 2006
07:25 pm - saddest / dissapointed puppies
truth
dont dont like
the last of the double negatives
its 9 hours gone
the last drink tonight will be the last time
i let myself think about it
another round
onto the next
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12:35 am
with his last breath.
arched.
missed.
before a start.
prove wrong.
with and of.
not not.
of of.
not not him.
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April 9th, 2006
07:09 pm
i will take care of it
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March 19th, 2006
10:20 pm
250$ jeans.
tan. habitual. straight leg. beautiful.
must return by the end of the week.
remind me.
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March 5th, 2006
08:17 pm - complain complain complain
come visite me soon please
.
x!
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February 19th, 2006
07:58 pm
i have gone to new york
i am going to find myself a boy and not come back
will miss you
(be back friday)
x!
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February 14th, 2006
09:00 pm - with consent
happy valentines
-x!
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February 13th, 2006
08:45 pm - who wants a broken valentine
due to the roller coaster of fevers i have had all day
tomorrow will be another day spend inside, in bed watching tv with the periodic check at email
i am not allowed to leave this house until my temp is a constant 99 or below
...
valentines day inside... coughing with a fever
who wants to be a valentine to that?
i do have cards though for when i do get out
x!
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February 12th, 2006
08:28 pm - sickness turns anna into a baby
i have never been this sick for this long in my life
i have had a 102 fever give and take all weekend
my head hurts, my cough is consistent a
pparently its a bacterial infection - 2 hour wait in the clinic for a note and antibiotics
i cant sleep and i am very cold
tv is getting old and i need a dvd player
this is a roller coaster i need to get off
i wish i was getting work done but nothing
my aunt and uncle wont let me out of the house and if they even hear me get out of bed they yell upstairs to tell me to get back in
thanks to those who have called or left messages, appreciated.
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refusaltoletgo's journal